Sometimes looking into the mirror is uncomfortable, especially if you had been avoiding looking into one (self-reflection) for a long time.

Content Preview: discussions of social exclusion

I was having this thought earlier, that as a Scorpio rising with Pluto conjunct my ascendant, people often project various things that are happening for them internally, onto me. And then they react to me in a way that they aren't able to react to whatever is happening within them internally because they won't really acknowledge it or look closely at it. Pluto does that just by transiting, holds up a mirror. And unacknowledged things ends up coming out sideways with Pluto in Scorpio, as in projection.

And I was thinking about how that means that often people who are not in a place where they're ready to accept change or transformation—even if they're really unhappy, even if they're not in a place where they want to be—they still may have trouble with the concept of change. They may be afraid of change to the point that they're stubborn and pushing against it and unwilling to engage in the process of transformation at all.

It's rare, actually, for people to say yes to that and then remain saying yes to it for an extended time. There are very few people who have. And I don't necessarily blame anyone. Living my life has been a very intense experience, and I could understand why people might think, I don't want to have to do that. That gives me anxiety. And I'm like, yeah, it gives me anxiety too.

I'm just extremely fierce, and so I'm just like, okay, here we go. Each time. And I am a bit of an eternal optimist as well. But I just noticed that things tend to go well for me if I take a kind of trailblazing spirit towards my life and charge ahead in directions where -maybe I don't know exactly where it's going, but I feel pulled. I feel called by my instincts towards that direction. Things tend to go well if I do that, and even though it's scary, I experience a lot of rewards when I do that. I place that as Jupiter and my north node both being in Aries in my 6th house.

So I guess I've developed a faith in the process, even though I still feel all of those emotions. I do my best not to let it stop me from moving in the direction that I'm being called. And I think that I've had to develop that over time because I did used to fight transformation.

But I came to realize that it's actually easier for me if I surrender. And recognizing that has made all the difference. It was my astro twin who planted that seed in my mind, and I think I needed to hear that at that time because it's really stuck with me, even though we never spoke again.

Surrender plays into the ease of the transition, versus it being unnecessarily tumultuous.

So I think sometimes people are afraid of me because they can sense that things can't stay the same once I'm involved. That I am a catalyst. And a mirror exposing what needs to change. And I know that about myself, and I have accepted it. I've also accepted that I actually will be a catalyst even if I don't do anything. Even if I try to hide, it's not possible for me not to be a catalyst.

And so what I've been learning is how to work with that energy in an intentional way so that I get to have some agency over the direction. Because I do feel very much like I have a life path, but I also feel like I have a lot of choice. I don't feel like my life path is so narrow that there aren't lots of options I could pursue. It's like the universe kind of conspires to support me as long as I'm acting authentically, as long as I'm not being overly self-sacrificing, as long as I'm taking really good care of myself and being intentional about my relationships, being artful and expressing my emotions and feeling my many emotions and trying to understand them.

Earlier today, a friend told me that I have this skill for being able to hold space in a way that is like a container where I don't allow the other person's difficult experience to make my life worse. And so they are able to be honest about the difficulties in their life without feeling like they are burdening me, or stressing me out. And I was like, "Oh, thank you. I actually am trying to do that, and I have worked hard to be able to do that well. But I also feel like I have some sort of gift towards that, and I identified that gift as being a Witness—something that is in my maternal line for at least four generations."

I connected that to Sjogren's and the loss of eyesight at a certain point in life for almost everyone. Having eye problems. My grandmother lost her vision. Her mother lost her vision. It's a fear that I have, and at least a couple of my siblings live with, because we were watching all the women before us go blind. Grandma's sister lost her eyesight too. All of them go blind back to my great grandmother.

Grandma didn't lose her eyesight until she was in her 90s, but she did lose her eyesight for about the last 8 years of her life. And I know that was really hard for her. I think it was also hard for her because she watched her own mother lose her eyesight, and that really changed her life drastically by ending her childhood. Because Lena, my great grandmother, was in her 40s when she lost her eyesight. And so then Grandma told me she had to go to begin working at 12 years old, and so she never got to finish school. That was always a big regret Grandma had, and she struggled to read, and felt shame about this even though it wasn't for lack of desire or even intelligence. My Grandma was a Sagittarius, so I imagine she probably would have really liked to finish school, but she didn't have the choice because she had to start working to financially support the family once her own mother couldn't work anymore. And then she then worked her whole teen and adult life.

So it was actually really nice to hear someone reflect that to me, even though they didn't know that I already had identified Witness as one of my spiritual gifts that runs in my family. It was a nice confirmation from the universe, and I am feeling a lot of synchronicity with the universe and just a reminder to trust. Trust but verify.

I was thinking about Belize. I can tell that I make people nervous because they're like, are you gonna change things? And I'm like, y'all aren't happy. This is not a good situation. No one is benefiting from this. I am not a colonizer, I am the opposite, and I am fighting my fight which is also your fight. Why are you so afraid of something changing?

We could work together and that could be a really powerful thing in Belize. There are like 400,000 people. That's like ONE city in the US. If you could organize a city—I mean, people have done that- Iceland had a similar population back in the 1970s and they organized women to turn their government around towards Matriarchy and they plan to do so again. Other cities like Detroit, NYC, big and small cities have organized for their needs in resistance too. That's been done lots of times, actually. So I'm like, this is totally possible.

And literally, all we're trying to do is stop women from being murdered. I don't understand why that goal is something of concern to anyone.

Women need support. They don't need to be trapped in these relationships where men can literally just beat, starve and kill them, and then nothing happens over and over again. Men should not be able to use the court system to starve their wives under supervision of the court ---as in my case. These are unconscionable human rights violations. The government keeps making promises to its people and to other countries, but nothing changes.

Women are meat shields for men structurally. Without women being legally-permitted punching bags and seen as private property for men to offload their rage, the government would have a lot more violent men to worry about in public. So some governments offer women up as sacrificial lambs for men's aggression because they have countries full of violent, sexually predatory, angry men who need to offload it. In Belize many men struggle to find work, and they don't see much future for themselves. It is similar to how enslaved African people were used as meat shields for white men, as were white women (who I will be writing about soon). I am trying to expose who and what is behind the shield.

Men in Belize are out here just feeling like they have the right to murder people. There's no one who should be arguing against this movement to end gender-based violence in Belize.

That is, unless they believe its necessary to maintain the patriarchy. But that means patriarchy is too expensive.

But its not sustainable anymore because women are waking up. And that's why some countries are seeking to rollback women's rights.

In fact, don't we all want to live in a place where we're not hearing about our neighbors getting murdered all the time? Don't we want to live in a place where men can get the help that they need in a safe way that isn't going to be risking or sacrificing other people's lives? Don't we want a world where the leaders of all the governments and industry leaders aren't in e-files showing decades of human trafficking, child sex trafficking, and eating of people? Don't we want to be able to have faith in our leaders instead of wondering why they are leading when almost any of us could do a better job, even children? Like don't most of us regular people not want to be living in a dystopia? I think most of us actually do.

And don't men want to stop hating themselves so much? I don't ever think I have met a man who did not struggle with self-loathing. That is a feature of patriarchy, not a bug.

It turns out that white capitalist patriarchy is working for no one in Belize. It's not working for anyone. And there are some people who are wealthy enough that they don't feel it yet, but they will feel it, because Belize is a small country and does not have the power to influence world market trends significantly. Some of Belize's wealthy like my ex's family probably already are already feeling the squeeze, because capitalism isn't going well for anyone in the world besides the 1% and most people in Belize are not that level of wealthy.

Belize is a really small economy, and even people who have businesses in the US—things are not going well in the US economically. Americans don't have as much money as they used to have. Regular Americans are struggling, and so they're not going to be spending money at these businesses as much. For example, they're not going to be shipping as much because they're not going to be ordering as many things. And that will go for the Americans who live in Belize too.

So I'm just like: no one is benefiting from this situation that we're in. You may think that you're benefiting because it hasn't hit you yet. But it is going to hit you, and you are going to feel it. And at that point, do you want to be in a situation where the men who are also angry feel like they can just rape, torture, and kill you with impunity? Because right now they can. Right now if you stand up to them the court will try to help them kill you and face no consequences.

Because what do you think is going to happen when things get worse economically? This is something that needs to happen now, because if it doesn't, it's going to be a very bad situation.

So yeah, I care, and also I'm not going to sacrifice myself. I'm only willing to fight alongside other people. If Belizean people don't care enough to fight for themselves, then I will fight my fight and then leave and take my gifts elsewhere. I'm not going to fight alone. I will absolutely fight for myself --nobody can stop me from doing that. I'll do what I need to do to make sure that I'm taken care of. But I would love for my fight for myself to receive support so that I can keep going well to the end, because it will be hard. And also for it to be a learning experience for other people as well, so that we can help each other. And so nobody's having to do this by themselves.

People are used to women in Belize being deferential. And I'm not like that. I will challenge a man. I'm like, I don't know what you think this is, but I'm just like, what the actual fuck is going on here? -without a blink. Including to a judge. I'll be like, your country has the worst homicide rate in the Caribbean. I'm not expecting much from you. I have a vote of no confidence in your rulings. Genuinely speaking, just FYI. I don't give a shit what he thinks because I don't respect men who abuse women regardless of your title. And none of us should. The court systems in so many countries are full of men in the e-files, and abusers who WISH they were in the e-files and sought that position to allow them to uphold patriarchy. Nikkita Gill said, "the same men who used to call themselves witchfinder generals are now calling themselves 'Judge'". Damning to be honest because I feel that energy and I feel it on display all over the Clancy case, and my case, and the Cornell 7 case too. And I thought to myself, why can't my case be public like those? What can I do to make it louder?

Andre's attorney, yeah, she has seemed flabbergasted at me. And it's like, yeah, I'm not from here, so I don't really do things the way y'all do it around here, and that's because I'm trying to get my needs met and get some version of justice for the abuse I endured. I am not resigned and I am not going to stop.

So yeah, I'm very American, and I'm realizing that there is a place for that in Belize if people are willing to see how that's to their benefit. But there's no martyrdom happening. That's not gonna be the outcome.

I am a catalyst, and my activation has happened. We will have to wait and see what reaction happens as a result.

Share Your Reflections

Let Evvie know what came up for you.

Contact

Connect with Evvie for dreaming experiments with somatics during climate collapse.

Email

Stay Connected

evvie@climatesomatics.com

© 2026 Climate Somatics by Genevieve Habet. All rights reserved.